Thinking of Change

Okay all, I’m thinking of making another change to where I post my blog. I no longer like the domain books and endometriosis pcos. I’m thinking of changing to something not including books now that I have my own book review site. Would you all support this change? Would you follow this new blog? It would be something like battle of endometriosis and pcos. It would become my primary blog I would keep this one open for a short time to give everyone time to start following the new one. I hope you all will join me as I make my adjustments.

New blog site is : The Rage of Endo and PCOS

Please join me here and I welcome all followers new and old!

~S

 

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The Hermit is Out!

Hahaha! I’m finally out of my apartment for the day besides for brief appointments here and there or going to my on site laundry room at my apartment building. Sure it’s just to my parents, a different four walls, but it still helps. I think this will help boost my mood. Watching my niece the past couple of days has helped some too. 

I’m very thankful for my fiance and legos while we were watching her yesterday. I’ve been fighting a nasty migraine and thinking I might have a double ear infection. So I spent a lot of time sleeping yesterday I’m still groggy and rundown today but it’s okay I’ll feel better soon I’m sure.

I’m going to try to accomplish some goals I’ve set for myself today while my fiance is at work and I’m here. I want to do some coloring and accomplish some reading. 

I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday a good weekend.

~S

Thursday it cometh…

My fiance goes back to work today after four days at home with me. One day he was terrible down ill all day with a sinus infection and the last three he had off. Those last three we spent busting our asses together whipping our apartment into shape and I must say it feels much more open. I will be continuing the cleaning-athon while he is at work (after 9am so I don’t disturb the neighbors). 

The thing that has me wanting to push through my depression and clean today is that my niece will be coming over after school and staying until her mom gets off work. Apparently I’ll be watching her Thursdays and Fridays after school while her mom works, that’s partly keeping me going. I look forward to time with her always, though she is growing much too quickly and has her mama’s attitude.

My fiance has a brain MRI today to rule out seizures and make sure it is all mental health related. His medication has been working good with a few dips here and there but no dissociation and the cycling doesn’t seem as bad. I’m pretty sure it’s all mental health related, now what illness that I’m not sure about but he had testing Tuesday to figure that out hopefully.

I decided on the final tattoo I’m going to try to get on the 21st. The winner is: with the semi colon being yellow and teal for endometriosis and PCOS support.
Well my fiance is leaving for work soon and I’ll probably try to read. Try being the key word there. I hope you all enjoy your Thursday and make the most of it!

~S

Today Is….

Well it’s day two of my depression and it’s sinking it’s claws in worse. Still no anxiety just an overall feeling of doom and gloom. 

I’m surrounded by my books and my kindle and there’s more cleaning that needs to be done to rearrange but you know what? I don’t want to do a damn thing. I don’t even want to be awake, I don’t want to be typing this but I need it out of my head.

I have a friend that says I can talk to her about anything, well I just told her how I’m feeling and her response was “what can I do to help?” Followed by “I hate when you talk like this it really brings me down.” Yup so that just made me feel worse. I told her forget I said anything since no one can really help. I guess for now on I’ll have to vent on here so you all see what my depression looks like or just keep it to myself.

Keeping it to myself, well that’s a can of worms waiting to happen. With my mood like this I become increasingly more irritable, sensitive, and sometimes angry. If I hold all that in (like I have in the past) I’ll explode. When I explode it usually means fights with those closest to me and a trip to our psychiatric hospital. I don’t want any of that, that’s why I was trying to reach out to my friend but oh well. 

I’m on my own trying to fight this for the time being going back to bed sounds wonderful but I know I need to force myself to get my chores done. This is just a storm and all storms pass but also I need to learn to dance in the rain.

Have a good mid-week you all! Much love.

~S

No Rest For the Weary

Hi all! I’m writing to you from a very, very tired mind today so hopefully this goes smoothly. “No Rest For the Wear” well I guess that’s only because I’m putting it all on myself. This year is going to be my year after the hell of last year but I feel it can only be my year if I’m active about what I do or chose what not to do.

This past weekend I started to go into what I call my “deep clean” mode. It was that I cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom, scrubbing the floor by hand as we were out of stuff to mop it with. Then the rest of this week I’ve caught up on ALL laundry in our little apartment laundry facilities including folding and hanging up, that was a two-day chore with breaks and a nap. Today I’ve vacuumed the bedroom hallway part of the living room and started rearranging the living room and dusting. I still have dishes in the sink waiting on me to go wash them but to be honest, I’m exhausted and not sure if I will or not.

I’m trying not to let health issues win this year but a problem I’m running into is with my knees. I have terrible pain in them and it sometimes keeps me from doing anything. Those days I just sit on the couch with a heating pad draped across my lap reading a book. Reading a book, huh, right now that’s not really holding my interest. If your following my other blog you’ll know I’ve taken on a 2018 reading challenge read 52 books in 52 weeks, well I’m already letting myself down and because of it I’m in a readers slump.

Overall how am I feeling? My health is relatively good physically but I feel like I’m falling into a depression and I’m not at all sure why. No it’s not just because my local bookstore is closing though that has me down but that would haven’t me down and out as I call my depression. Something is pulling me down and out, I just want to sit with my head in my hands and cry. No I don’t have a reason I’m crying people stop asking me that, if I knew don’t you think I’d try to stop? My anxiety has been pretty controlled though so that’s a plus!

Money oh my money, you know the thing that makes the world go round. That’s ridiculous by the way. My fiance needs medication for his mood disorder, right? Well for four of his meds his co-pay comes to over sixty bucks all together, thankfully right now he only needs two of those meds right at this moment but those two $45.49 for a co-pay. I know there are people who have it much worse and I feel bad for complaining about it but we’re on a tight budget and this week isn’t pay week so we have to borrow money again. I hate borrowing money from people but I am glad and very fortunate that these individuals are there to help us so thank you.

Anyways sorry for the ranting whining post today just feeling blah and thought you all would want an update. I’m trying to update once a week so it’s all going to be sunshine and rainbows.

~S

 

New Followers

Just a quick welcome and hello to all the new people following me. I know a lot of you are looking for my book blog and not my health journey, not that I’m discouraging you to stop following this one. By all means please do but my strictly book related blog can be found at bookreviewsbysteph.WordPress.com 

Again welcome and thank you for following me! Happy Friday!

~S

Tattoos for Support

Hi all! Happy Thursday to you! In my area on January 21st they are doing a Tattoos for Triumph benefit.

This benefit is to raise awareness about human sex trafficking and for $30 you can get a no bigger then a business card size tattoo and it can’t have too much detail. I was going to be getting sister tattoos with my little sister but she needs to save for a car now as the insurance company just ruled hers totaled. What shall I do instead? I want to show my support to this great cause so I’m looking at ideas that I can do to incorporate my love for books, and my fight through the past year with endometriosis and PCOS. I also kinda want to include the semi-colon project as I survived an overdose back in 2009. Here are my ideas.

The book with the semi-colon I would request the book be teal and the semi-colon be yellow and the book with the word bliss I would request that the book still be teal and the word bliss be yellow. As for placement I would get one of these on the inside of my right wrist. Do you all have any thoughts? Feel free to please mention them in the comments!

I highly recommend you check out my link above to Tattoos for Triumph and educate yourself not only this month (sex trafficking awareness month) but all year-long. This happens everywhere and you’d be surprised at who has been caught up in it. I feel this a great thing this group is doing and I’m hoping that they don’t have any issues with minors wanting to sneak in or other people causing trouble to distract from the message.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this post and check out this link!

~S

Positive Outlook

Today will be a good day! I just feel like it will be, yes I’m a wee-bit irritable but that’s because I didn’t sleep very well but I’m not going to let that keep me down. I have goals this year and I plan on meeting those goals. Right now over on my reading blog I’m doing a 2018 reading challenge and that’s one of my goals, so far I’ve done two reads out of 52! I’ll also be starting online courses through my library for free on the 17th of this month starting with a grammar refresher. I’m also going to be exercising more, right now that’s a bit more challenging as I’m fighting a terrible cold/cough and the weather outside is in the negatives.

Overall this year will be a better year than last year because I can focus on things I like/want to do with hopefully minimal/no health issues to bring me down. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder so I’ll also be focusing on those as well. My depression is pretty well controlled on my medication, my anxiety needs some work when I’m alone and in a car still also social situations, and the borderline personality disorder I’ll be working on with my counselor. I have some pretty bad trust issues with the BPD and am convinced at times that it’s just a matter of time before my fiance leaves me like everyone else has, even though this year we’ll be together for ten years. It also causes me to snoop which isn’t good and leaves him and myself feeling like crap. I have a lot to work on this year but I know with the right outlook I can do this! I’ve got this, this will be my year!

Happy Tuesday you all may it be a grand one!

~S

Out with the Old in with the New!

Hello everyone! Wow this year has been one hell of a ride, hasn’t it?! I for one will be glad when it is over! Though there have been a few blessings that I am grateful for. Yes I’ve had many, many health difficulties but in the end, hey I won! I couldn’t have done it alone though. A huge thank you goes out to the doctor that finally listened to me and took the time needed and the skills needed to help me and used them! Thank you Dr. Yadira Rafuls at the Kaldas Center in Appleton, Wisconsin. You and your team are a God send more than you will ever know. Now another huge thank you to my fiance who without I wouldn’t have even discovered endometriosis and probably wouldn’t have my life back. Also thank you to my parents for caring enough to always be there no matter what and always going above and beyond to help even though I’m a grown adult. I appreciate all these people in my life and all my friends and supporters more than you will ever know!

If you haven’t noticed my blog has had a makeover, that is because this year is a new me! From blog to person I hope I have big changes coming, if all goes right everything will just keep getting better! I’m going to be trying to lose weight for starters, to do this I have to increase my activity level and eat a much better diet. I have the tools and the drive I just have to implement them. Anyone want to join me? I received a pressure cooker for Christmas and a recipe book so that’s going to make eating healthier much easier as well, thank you to those who got it for me including the cookbook. We’re having corned beef, carrots and potatoes, cooked in it tonight! Yum, our apartment smells amazing by the way.

My fiance is starting a new Pathfinder role-playing group with my brothers help this coming year. I’m excited for him to have this opportunity to make new friends and grow in his geekdom.

I don’t really have any anxieties or fears for the coming year yet, well except for maybe our president……Other than that I’m good.

So tell me you all, what are your goals, ambitions, anxieties, worries, or fears? I look forward to our conversation in the comments!

Happy New Year! Celebrate wisely.

~S

Insomnia

I’ve been doing great since surgery. Dr. Rafuls at the Kaldas Center in Appleton WI has given me my live back. No pain from endometriosis, no pain from cysts. It’s all been a very long road but I did it and I survived. 

I couldn’t have done any of this without my support team. First and foremost my fiance who without him I probably would have never discovered endometriosis but he wanted answers for my constant pain and the doctors want helping so he searched and searched. When he found endo it didn’t take much convincing for me to call the doctor. I just wish I knew about Dr. Rafuls in the first place, most likely could have shortened my painful journey. Also huge thank you to my parents who always help take me to appointments and are a great emotional support for both my fiance and I.

I’ve been on an estrogen patch for roughly a week and a half now (since I lost both ovaries due to PCOS). It’s done wonders, no mood swings anymore, and no hot flashes anymore. In fact it has my mood so good I’m wondering if my body wasn’t producing enough estrogen in the first place? How things line up that help you just really make you wonder.

Now for the title of this blog. I get two-three nights of the most wonderful sleep a week the rest is shit, like tonight it’s currently 1:10am and I’m wide awake. I don’t know what to do with myself on this sleepless nights because I’m restless. I can’t clean for fear of making too much noise and waking the neighbors same with watching t.v. as it only comes through our surround sound system. I don’t know maybe I’ll take some of this time to catch up on a little bit of reading (assuming I can find something to pull me in). 

Overall, life is good. Yes there’s financial stress as my fiance had to miss work for a little while due to seeking help for mental health inpatient but that doesn’t matter to, I’m just glad to have him home safe and doing relatively better. We’ve had angels that have managed to help us some with our needs until his next paycheck we are very fortunate for these individuals, so thank you. Life is good, Wow I’m so happy to be able to say that and mean it finally!

Happy Thursday you all, may it be filled with many blessings and much health.

~S